A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Ahmed!
Three comedians.
It stinks like an old, musty man in here. It's terrible.
It's totally organic!
A haunted place.
Fuck!
Paranormal missions.
Mr. Guardian, I'm listening to you.
Traps.
Challenges.
You don't get it. I'm a coward. I'm not into this shit.
I don't feel well.
For the most scared...
a punishment!
A game that's going to last...
until dawn.
SOMEWHERE IN A FOREST IN THE JURA MOUNTAINS...
I don't know where we're going.
Look!
- What is it? - I'm kidding!
Are you crazy?
You're already starting?
- Ahmed, I slipped. - What did you slip on?
A rock.
Yeah, I slipped on a rock.
Wait. I got a little map in my pocket.
- Look what's written! "Val Monastery." - Yeah.
So it's straight ahead.
Yeah, that's right.
One kilometer straight ahead,
and there is the Val Monastery,
built in the 17th century.
Mysterious disappearances...
and a defiled tombstone still resides there.
Don't start telling me about weird stuff like tombs...
You're all crazy. You shouldn't mess with that.
Don't worry, Ahmed. Everything will be okay.
Today, the place is used as a peaceful sanctuary
for whoever wants to be cut off from the world.
The world of the living.
Because, as for ghosts... that's not certain.
I'm very excited at the moment,
but I don't think we'll be laughing once we get there.
You don't say.
In this monastery from hell, the goal of tonight's game is to play with fear...
Turn your lights on! Don't leave me behind either!
- There's a flashlight! - So turn yours on!
Why are you making people nervous?
...and play with the fears of others.
I have firecrackers in my pocket. I'm gonna drive them nuts.
At dawn, they'll decide who was the biggest chicken
to make them suffer a punishment.
Fuck! What was that?
What is that?
And in this competition, Alban has already chosen his target.
I think Ahmed is the team's biggest chicken.
He's gonna have a lot of surprises tonight.
What is this?
No, Alban, this isn't funny at all.
This place is fucking huge!
This isn't funny at all.
I absolutely don't want to be scared. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here.
- Guys, I feel like this is gonna... - We can still go back.
MIDNIGHT - SIX HOURS BEFORE DAWN
Four floors, an attic, a cellar, a chapel,
dozens of hallways, and some dorms.
In this worrisome labyrinth, cameras have been placed just about everywhere
and are ready to record anything strange that might happen.
Yeah, they locked the doors.
I get the impression we're gonna sleep here.
Yeah, but the goal tonight is not to sleep, but to hunt for ghosts.
So, let's go to the headquarters,
where all the equipment for the paranormal missions awaits.
So, we're well-behaved and we knock before going in.
Some light!
Damn! This is our HQ!
That means we can chill out here.
And the ghosts
We'll go looking for them downstairs...
- And the spirits! - And the spirits!
- And the ghosts! - And the ghosts!
- They're over here! - They're over here!
How we laugh!
With that, buddy,
the spirits and ghosts
are gonna want to party, not attack us.
Yeah, right...
Well, Ahmed doesn't know what awaits him
with tonight's first paranormal mission.
So, what does it say?
"In the monastery's dorm,
there's been a lot of laughter, but also a lot of crying.
It's up to you to go meet the children
that still haunt this place."
"Ahmed, try to comfort them."
"Take the teddy bears equipped with presence detectors.
If they ring, it means you're not alone in the room.
Take the opportunity to sing them a lullaby."
MISSION ONE THE CURSED DORM
The children of Val... According to legend,
young orphans taken in by the monastery mysteriously disappeared.
Between the strange noises and the detectors that could go off,
we're not sure Ahmed is ready for a paranormal encounter.
Guys, I swear to God, I hear noises.
- What am I supposed to do now? - You have to set up the teddy bears.
Wait, I can't hear you.
- Can you hear us? - There's static.
I can't hear you!
- You missed it. The closet moved. - No, stop.
I swear it did.
Go check in the closet on the left.
- What do you mean the closet on the left? - We saw something weird over there.
I'm not playing.
I swear to God, I'm gonna hit whatever it is.
Is anybody there?
Okay. There's nothing there.
Really look inside. Put your hands in.
I'm not gonna put my hands in! Nothing's there. You're breaking my balls!
- The third... - Nothing!
It's the third closet that opened itself earlier.
- Fuck! - I know.
- Come on! - That one.
- Nothing. Just some comforters. - Look inside the comforter.
- Nothing. Just some comforters. - Okay.
- Weird. - What should I do?
For starters, let's calm down
and let's set up the teddy bear presence detectors.
Their sensors will sound if some spirits come along.
You need to turn off your light.
You're insane.
Okay, perfect. You rock.
Now you need to call the souls of the children.
I'm gonna give you their names.
Jean, Pierre, Hugues, and Martin.
I swear, you're starting to drive me nuts with your crazy missions.
Jean, Pierre, Hugues, Martin...
if you're here, guys...
Jean, Pierre, Hugues, Martin...
Jean, Pierre, Hugues, Martin, do you want me to sing you a song?
Wow.
Wow!
Are you fucking with me right now?
Motherfucker!
Fuck, Mommy...
Mommy...
Fuck!
I wanna stop.
I'm out of here.
I think I found the valve that activates all the sinks,
so we're gonna give him a little surprise.
Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way
- The water's running, fuck! - Wash your hands.
Fuck you!
Poor guy.
- Careful on the stairs. - Shut up!
Fuck!
You assholes!
- You assholes! - Damn.
You assholes!
- It wasn't us! - What's going on?
The thing turned on by itself! Feel me, bro.
- I'm gonna die. - No, relax.
I'm gonna die.
No, I'm done.
All the faucets went on at once?
- What was that? - The faucets suddenly went on.
I swear to God, I heard water running in the dark. It went click-click.
You don't know where it was from?
- I left everything there. - Yeah, I know.
- We saw. - I left everything.
- You gotta go back and get it. - What?
It's better to buy new teddy bears.
Okay, we're making a note to charge Ahmed for a teddy bear.
It was a limited edition. It cost a fortune.
Honestly, chill.
- Let me catch my breath. - Give him a couple minutes.
But what could be problematic for him
is the punishment that awaits the biggest chicken...
unless he gets revenge.
FOUR HOURS AND 32 MINUTES BEFORE DAWN
So, what does it say?
"The haunted chapel. Alban...
you're going alone to the chapel adjacent to the monastery.
To announce your presence there,
you should make contact with the Lord of Varambon,
founder of the Val Monastery."
His tomb is protected nowadays since it's been desecrated many times.
Take the note in Latin with you. You're going to need it."
Let's go, fam.
Let's go, bro.
- Fuck. - I'm out of here.
- Alban, you're so brave. - Yeah, yay.
Fucking monastery.
MISSION TWO THE DESECRATED TOMB
Good luck, Alban!
Because contacting a spirit whose tomb has been desecrated
requires some tact,
I think now is not the time to be a smartass.
So, wait...
Fuck.
Let's go.
With the sensor, Alban must make the laser beams securing the tomb appear.
If the Sire of Varambon is in the room,
his mystical aura should make the beams oscillate.
I feel like I'm about to rob a bank.
To attract the spirits of the dead,
there's nothing better than an incantation in a dead language.
Go on. Again.
Well, he doesn't wanna come.
What do you want me to say?
I'm in front of the beams.
I'm going.
I'm gonna machine gun Alban with the firecrackers.
This is how we're gonna start off. Gang!
Well, nothing's happening.
I'm gonna go back.
The man never showed up.
Are you crazy?
I had to avenge myself.
You fucking piece of shit!
In this scaring competition between Alban and Ahmed,
you'd better not get upset easily.
I would've had a heart attack with the whole firecracker thing.
However, one competitor looks a bit feverish.
THREE HOURS AND 51 MINUTES BEFORE DAWN
"Ornella, you have to go to room 113,
the room of one of the former caretakers.
"He disappeared one night without a trace." Well, yeah!
"His ghost still haunts the place,
given the strange occurrences detected in this room.
Ornella, it's up to you to purify this room by freeing his spirit.
Take the Tibetan bowl on the table."
Read the end, please. The last thing.
Yeah.
"Try to make him appear in the mirror and ask him to leave the place."
Fuck!
MISSION THREE THE CARETAKER'S ROOM
It's now Ornella's turn to confront the hell of the monastery.
Even if that hell...
You're so stupid. Fuck!
...is the others.
And the ghosts!
And the spirits!
How we laugh!
Yeah, it's here, son of a bitch.
My God.
This is awful!
Fuck, those are dead flies.
Look!
There are insects!
It's fucking disgusting!
It's totally organic.
No, stop! It's disgusting. It's awful.
Plus, it stinks.
It stinks like an old, musty man. I swear. It's atrocious.
Don't worry.
You have to go in and close the door behind you.
But I can't breathe anymore!
You have to close the door. Close the door? Are you in room 113?
I'm trying to help you. Don't bug out.
You're really--
Do you see there are roaches and shit in here?
Yeah, we see that. Fuck!
And the ghosts!
And the spirits!
They're over here
How we laugh!
You have to close the door, Ornella. Otherwise...
You really need to shut your mouth, Alban! That's the problem.
- There you go. - There you go.
There she goes. In order to exorcise the room,
she has to make the caretaker's spirit appear in the mirror
and ask him to leave the place.
Question: How do you make a spirit appear in a mirror?
Answer: Thanks to the mystical sounds of the Tibetan bowl.
Try to talk a little.
Tell him, "Bro, what's up? Why did you leave?"
Questions like that, you know?
You have to talk to him, try to contact him.
Mr. Caretaker,
what happened in this room?
I swear, if something comes out of the mirror, I'm gonna lose it.
I swear, my head is spinning. It's like 12 million degrees in here.
I swear, I'm not feeling well. Not at all. Okay.
- I need to take a piss. - You need to take a piss?
I'm gonna surprise Ornella. I'm gonna give her a little scare.
I swear, it smells like death in here. Can I leave?
Come back.
What's wrong with you? That's awful!
You're the monk from the Chaussée aux Moines cheese?
- Look at this. - And it stinks.
There are two truly annoying things in life:
being locked in a monastery,
and being locked in a monastery with Alban.
I'll let you guess which is worse.
Alban, did you notice how much it stunk?
Alban!
It's time for an aperitif!
And the ghosts!
And the spirits!
- You didn't see anything? No caretaker? - No, I didn't see the caretaker.
I'm the only one who's completed my mission.
I didn't want to say, but I'm in contact with the spirits.
Lies!
Lies! Witch!
We're gonna burn your eardrums!
ONE HOUR AND 23 MINUTES BEFORE DAWN
Two questions remain unanswered...
At dawn, who will be named the biggest chicken?
And how will they get out of the monastery?
The last mission of the night will bring the answer.
"A copy of the monastery keys is hidden down in the cellars.
If you manage to retrieve them, you'll be able to get out of here finally."
- Who is up to go... - Ahmed, go on.
You don't get it. I'm a coward. I hate this stuff.
- Go. - Why do you want me to go? I'm not going.
For real, as of now, you're the biggest chicken.
So, go like a warrior
- to make up for that a little. - What do you mean, "chicken"?
You're both real pieces of shit.
- What you're doing isn't right. - Man up, bro.
"Man up," my ass!
What you're doing isn't right.
Don't worry. The streets will remember you.
MISSION FOUR THE KEYS
Ahmed must find the key that lets them out of the monastery.
Where am I going?
A key that is downstairs...
all the way down...
in the cellar!
But I don't want to!
Fuck...
I'm gonna take a broom.
I don't feel well.
You're making noises, you fucking assholes!
Go on, bro. Focus.
Fuck! I don't give a fuck about the keys!
- I don't give a fuck! - Go straight ahead, Ahmed. Go get it.
Bro, we're with you. We're following you. We see you. Don't worry.
No... fuck.
If you go down, we can really see you.
Fuck!
Motherfuckers!
Well done, Ahmed.
Don't say "well done" to me! I don't give a fuck!
Tell me where the fucking keys are!
"Well done"? Do I look like your son?
You're insane! You'd think I just scored a goal!
Tell me where the keys are and that's all!
Listen, I don't feel well.
Anyway, for what you're doing, "well done."
Listen to me carefully. Tell me where the keys are!
So, they're down in the cellar,
but you have to put down your broom.
Put it down. If there's anything, hit it with the flashlight or the camera.
Put the broom down, Ahmed.
Well done, Ahmed.
You need to go through another door.
Go through another door?
- Yeah, there's a door. - Fuck!
Go on. One last door!
I'm not going in there! Are you out of your minds?
It's horrible, really!
Fucking shit!
I can't go in there! There's motherfucking wolf!
- I'm out of here! - Bro, calm down.
- The key is in the wolf's bowl. - So I have to go tell the wolf--
You're insane! I'm getting out of here.
- I'm coming. - Well, yeah.
- Please! - Wait.
Ahmed, wait. Don't move. Alban's coming.
I'm sure you didn't know you could find wolves
in the Jura Mountains.
Well, Ahmed didn't know.
Ahmed! It's me!
There's a wolf! You're crazy! My stomach and chest hurt.
- Shine your light so I can see the wolf. - He's in the back.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, okay, there's a wolf.
- It sucks there's a wolf. - Your flashlight.
Give me your flashlight 'cause you have to get the key.
- Here. - Thanks.
Okay, the key is over there.
It's over there in the bowl.
- Fuck, Alban. - I'm gonna go in night-shot mode.
What a bastard!
I'm out of here!
Ahmed, if you want to get out of here, you need the key.
Bro, it's right there.
I don't even see the door. Fuck.
That asshole left.
Look. You see how humans are, wolf?
It's really not pretty. I got the key.
Alban has the key and the sun is rising. It's time to leave.
Come on. Let's go.
But first, Ornella, Ahmed, and Alban
must choose who was the biggest chicken and who gets the punishment.
THE PUNISHMENT
He left us behind.
He saved himself as usual.
I think so.
Seeing as how one of them ran off, no need to think about it for too long.
Ahmed gets it.
Alban!
Ahmed, thanks a lot.
- What a chicken. - Seriously.
As for the punishment, he's just gonna have to keep running.
He doesn't have the key anyway.